Funk

That's a pretty accurate word to describe how I feel post-exam #5.

I know I did not perform as well as I anticipated.

Doing well on the first two sections, worth 35%, will hopefully offset what I will earn on the rest. Will I pass? Probably. (And you're already thinking, "She worries every time - and DOES pass."

The funk mood is not related to a grade. It comes from a disappointment in myself. I studied so hard - but I could not produce what the professor wanted. And I should have. It's embarrassing - and therefore, very humbling - to know that I could not demonstrate proficiency in what he had taught.

And there were some private tears, not exactly crying, but tears nonetheless when I described it to Brad.

We were given a Bible reference and had to tear each word down grammatically, determine the best English translation (work we are very familiar with) and then give as many grammatical explanations of each word or phrase or clause (something new). We were given an example of this the day before. More practise in the new form of the exam would have helped - and that relates to HOW he prepared us - but still there is this acute awareness that there was so much more I SHOULD have been able to do. Thus the disappointment. Thus the funk.

We were going to celebrate the conclusion of another exam with dinner out, but it just didn't feel celebratory. So we ate "comfort food" at home instead and watched a movie together.

Still in the analogy of the race, I ran that third lap with high expectations - but my "time" was far under what I anticipated, regardless of how that compares to the other runners.

So with head down - not in sorrow (well, maybe a little) but in determination - I face the last and final lap. I WILL finish! And I hope my performance on the final in no way overrides the euphoria of crossing the finish line!